


why can’t you see that i love you?

by VITRI0L



Series: jan 20th stabbed me in the heart and then handed me a healing potion, saying “everything is going to be ok” [2]
Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Consequences, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHY, Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Moral Ambiguity, Oneshot, POV Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Pandora’s Vault, Poetic Justice, Prison, Roleplay, no beta we die like dream FINALLY BRUH, not me giving smp!dream more character motivation, not people just characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VITRI0L/pseuds/VITRI0L
Summary: all the things dream’d ever done, everything he’d said or did, truthful or not, it had all been for them.why can’t you see that i love you?•••//lowercase intended\\*jan 20th spoilers*
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: jan 20th stabbed me in the heart and then handed me a healing potion, saying “everything is going to be ok” [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118525
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	why can’t you see that i love you?

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes i forgot this shit is just a minecraft roleplay lol

the cell was cold and dark.

there was no window to grace him with the bright light of the sun and a thick obsidian door covered the iron bars of the prison, so he couldn’t even get an of the dim light from the lanterns.

not that it mattered anyways.

because dream found that he did quite mind the eternal darkness.

it was quiet, something that dream had grown to hate before. 

because chaos wasn’t quiet.

but now, in that little cell that was more like the Void, the man found that the soft silence was nice. no yelling, no arguing, no threats of violence or death. all the admin could hear was the sound of his own breathing, the only thing that reminded him he was alive.

well, _still_ alive.

he had no concept of time in the pure darkness, but if the meal cycle that sam went by was accurate, it was the middle of the night. his second and last meal of the day had been a few hours ago, leaving dream with nothing to look forward to except the morning.

so, his restless mind wandered, back to memories that he wished he could have forgotten.

he thought of tommy.

the fear and hatred in those icy blue depths burned holes in his porcelain mask.

the defiance in his thin body as the teen placed himself between dream and tubbo.

the power in his rough voice as he said, “put your things in the hole, dream.”

everything about that day haunted dream. he had been so close to completing his goal, to getting tommy to see his side. they were supposed to be friends, after all, but for once, something went wrong.

the fury and confusion written across the members of his SMP as they walked through the nether portal, alert and angry. 

“you should have paid me more, dream,” punz had informed him cooly, eyes narrowing as they caught the little black dots.

dream shivered under the wool blanket, running a hand through his greasy and disheveled hair. his green hoodie was now darkened by the stains of blackstone (and blood) and his mask had been cracked in half, which is why he no longer wore it.

so, he turned his back to sam whenever the hybrid stopped by, unready to face him.

but as he laid on his back, careful not to move too much in fear of agitating his scars, his eyes saw the world for what it really was.

he no longer had a shield from the truth.

it was painful.

his hubris and desperate need for control had ruined everything from the very beginning. 

he’d split the others and pitted them against each other.

while he was claiming to fight to bring the place he though of as his home back together, in reality, he’d been tearing it apart. 

piece by piece.

dream could feel the tears well. 

he refused to let them fall.

 _at least they are united once more_ , a gentle voice told him. _even if it is against you._

they were a family.

dream wanted them to see that.

he’d known that wilbur had seen it, it was in the way the brit had taken tommy and tubbo in, in the way the man had built l’manburg. 

but, wilbur was dead.

and everyone else lost sight of each other, opting to only care for themselves, himself included.

except for tommy.

dream wasn’t a hero, no, far from it. the members would certainly have some choice words for what they thought he was.

_villain._

_evil._

_a monster._

_a tyrant._

_an abuser._

~~(he should feel guilty, there should be a knife driving it’s sharp point into his chest, tearing him open, so how come he couldn’t feel it...?)~~

but, it didn’t matter what dream was, it never did. it only mattered that tommy was the exception. 

every. single. **time.**

the boy was a living contradiction, living with juxtaposing morals and acting as if that was normal. he would scream that the discs were his most prized possession and then stand between death and tubbo. he would claim not to care, but then stick his nose in whatever business he could. he would bend to dream’s will when it was just the two of them, but swore up and down the walls that they were never friends.

 _he’s right though_ , the voice whispered again. _you’ve hurt him more that you can understand._

dream suddenly missed dreamxd’s voice, fury building in place of his heart. the personification of the server and a so called “dreamon”, he was the manifestation of everything that happened on the server with a calculating and rather power hungry view of the world.

dream had relied on the personification’s guidance the most.

~~(especially when he pushed sapnap and george away.)~~

but, his mask was broken and dreamxd was no longer anywhere to be heard.

_fuck._

tommy was going to visit him tomorrow.

the admin didn’t want to see him. 

surely he would break if the younger appeared before him, the first to visit the dirty blond.

all the things dream’d ever done, everything he’d said or did, truthful or not, it had all been for them.

_why can’t you see that i love you?_

was a question that his mind screamed out, plaguing every waking hour. 

which was always, he didn’t sleep.

there was never an answer.

dream laid in his bed in pandora’s vault, a prison built on his own dollar, made to keep trouble-makers out of the SMP.

yet, here he was, in the prison of his own creation.

_you’ve made your bed, now lay in it._

it sounded like tommy.

a tear slid down dream’s gaunt cheek.

_you deserve this._

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT ARE HIS CHARACTER MOTIVATIONS? AND WHY DOES IT BOTHER ME SO BADLY THAT I DONT KNOW? 
> 
> i don’t know if i’d say that this is a sympathetic take on smp!dream (he got what was coming lol), but it needed to be written. like i’ve said, i like to think that smp!dream thinks of the whole serve as his home which is why he doesn’t have a physical one & why he involved himself so heavily with l’manburg’s affairs. he wants the other characters to stop splitting up his home. so, he would think of the members as his family & by getting caught, he successful reunited them all, even if it was against him. so, in the end, he won. 
> 
> this is just my theorizing and own headcanon! but, i think it’s interesting.
> 
> i hope you are well <3
> 
> have a good day!


End file.
